So, Cold Stone Creamery has come up with a shake that has almost all the calories and more fat than you should consume in an entire day. The 24 oz. Oh Fudge shake has 1920 calories and 106 grams of fat. That's 1920 calories and 106 grams of fat (not a type-O).
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those obsessive annoying calorie counters that insists on telling you that everything you jam down your mullet is hastening Death to you like a famished lion to a three legged gazelle. That's not my style. As a matter of fact I tend to eat whatever I want in unnecessarily large portions. If not for my mutant ability to metabolize garbage at an accelerated rate, I would probably weigh 300 lbs.
But my point is (you were starting to think I didn't have one, weren't you?) that we, as Americans, are fat over-indulgent pigs, and we should stop blaming the establishments that we create through our demand for our national obesity. The Center for Science in the Public Interest would have us believe that Lucifer himself came to Cold Stone in the dead of night and personally created this monstrosity of a milkshake.
I guess that I'm just a little tired of people blaming others for their shortcomings. Like some greedy lawyer suing McDonalds for his client's condition as a useless Tub-O-Lard. Come on folks, I know that McDonalds will sell you three Big Macs at a time, but that clueless high school kid that takes your $12 isn't forcing you to inhale that crap.
At Hardee's (Carls Jr. if your on the left side of the country) you can get a Monster Thick Burger, Large Fries, and Med. Coke for lunch or dinner and only consume a measly 2290 calories. And just like at McDonalds, there is no Obesity Enforcement Agent forcing you to over-indulge. Don't eat so much crap if you don't want to be a fat slob. But don't blame Cold Stone for offering an item that people obviously want.
The problem with Americans, people in general I guess, in my oh-so-humble opinion, is that we don't just treat ourselves to something nice every once in a while anymore. We feel like every meal should be a feast, including desserts that may fulfill our caloric needs for the day in one over-sized serving.
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Mostly this is just a place where I blow off steam. I will tell you all about what bugs me the most, and what I find fascinating and entertaining. Equal parts complaining about what is WRONG with the world and embracing what is RIGHT with it.
6 comments:
amen
I am hereby notifying you that you must cease and desist creating blog posts effective immediately or face potential legal action on my part. By creating blog posts, you are providing me with additional material to consume via the internet and are contributing to the growing amount of time I spend so called "surfing" the web. The more content that is created, the more time I will be forced to spend consuming said content, potentially jeopardizing my health, my employment and my marriage. Should your continued posting cause any harm to my physical being, my relationships or my social life, you and the rest of the internet will be held personally responsible.
Sincerely,
James
PS - You will need to sign a waiver of liability before visiting my own blog.
By the way, you MUST visit this site:
http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/
It may be THE commentary on America's attitudes towards eating.
The non-laughing matter about all of this is eventually our government will give serious consideration to regulating what Cold Stone can serve. These idiots that eat this shit multiple times a week (or their health insurers) will complain and the next thing we know Cold Stone won't even be allowed to legally serve a beverage with over 1500 calories. Which is a shame because in America you should be allowed to go balls to the wall on ice cream every now and again. That's freedom, baby.
My lawyer and I have already discussed this possibility, and we both agree that I won't have any problem getting off with an insanity defense. Some of you other bloggers may be in trouble.
It is a shame that we can not regulate ourselves.
Ah, James. I just discovered thisiswhyyourefat a few days ago. It is truly a diet aid. Some of that stuff is so gross and the idea that people go out of their way to eat like that amazes me.
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